I still can't believe my wife goes out with me.

“My wife didn't take my name, which isn't weird, but what's weird is when people think it's weird, like we're on a first-name basis anyway.” -Mark Agee.

“My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and without a doubt, the hardest times we've faced were those times when we hated each other.” -Andy Richter.

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” -Anne Bancroft.

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry the trash out.” -Joyce Brothers.

So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.' -Barack Obama

'After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right.

That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” -Mickey Rooney You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.' - Jerry Seinfeld

'Being a good husband is like being a standup comic.

“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.” -George Bernard Shaw.

I hope he changes all of mine one day…” -Kristen Bell

“I’d like to publicly thank my husband for changing half the diapers in our house.

And, so far, it’s working.” -Justin Timberlake The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything.

“We have a couple of rules in our relationship.

If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.” -Socrates If you get a good wife, you will be happy.

'Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!' -Michelle Obama.

She's the most beautiful Denny's you've ever seen though, I guarantee it.” -Ryan Reynolds

“I'm just a diaper-changing facility hooked up to a life-support system, but my wife, she's breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

“You go, ‘You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel loved, you make me food.'' -Nikki Glaser recalling Amy Schumer’s wedding vows.

I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat.” ―Mindy Kaling

“I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night.

'I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.' -Cameron Esposito.

“Make sure you have date night even if it's once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.' -Chris Hemsworth.

“People say, 'Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.' I think it's hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” -Tom Hanks.No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.' -Megan Mullally “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse.“A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.' -Dax Shepard.'Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.' -Will Ferrell.“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” -Prince Philip.Because I got to marry you.' -Chip Gaines And I should be committed, too-for being married so many times.” -Elizabeth Taylor “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” -Benjamin Franklin.“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” -H.'Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up.Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” -Michelle Obama

When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms.

Funny words of wisdom for newlyweds